3 THINGS YOUR CHILD WISHES YOU WOULDN’T SAY

Do you know what your child is actually hearing from you?

Consider the possibility that between all the I-love-you’s, your child may be receiving messages that undermine the love you try to show.

Stop and consider if you say any of these 3 things that damage your relationship with your child.

1. What you say when you’re upset.

In the heat of the moment, our most negative judgments often rise to the surface.

What you say to your child and about your child when you’re upset reveals a lot about what you believe about your child. And those words stick.

If you find yourself making judgments about your child when you’re upset, identify those negative beliefs and clear them from your life. If you don’t have negative feelings about your child, they won’t come out inadvertently.

2. What you say when they’re not around.

Do you complain about your children when they’re not around? Do you complain about how difficult or time-consuming they are?

This can be an indication that you have not taken care of yourself the way you need to—and you’re taking it out on your children.

Resentment like this can damage a parent-child relationship and make your children feel like burdens, rather than gifts. Go take care of yourself and stop complaining.

3. What you repeat from your own childhood.

Think back to that moment when a parent or teacher made you feel hurt or stupid. It was probably just something they said in passing, but it stuck with you all these years.

If you were silenced, belittled, or shamed as a child for who you were, you may inadvertently re-create that pattern in your child’s experience in surprising ways.

Choose to create a healthy pattern TODAY.

It’s never too late to help your child heal.

When you recognize your negative patterns or energies show up in your parenting, go to your child in a private conversation, acknowledge the pattern and work through whatever you need to.

Then give your child the voice you never had by teaching them words that empower them.

I asked my own children to use these words when they felt I had slipped into a negative or hurtful pattern: “Please change your tone.” They did. And I am so grateful.

God bless you in creating a relationship where your child always feels safe with you.

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7 Things I Want Our Children to Always Feel About Our Home

When I look around our home too often I see only the problems – things that need fixing, floors that need mopping, lawn that needs mowing and bills to pay, urgh! But I recently had a bit of an Aha! moment and I wondered, what if I stopped and saw our home afresh through the eyes of our children?

What do my children see?

After all, this place that we call home will leave an indelible imprint on their sense of self, forming an important part of who they are and how they live life. So I ask you, what do your children see when they look about your home, the place in which they live and grow? As I have been pondering this question I have started to change how I see and feel and think about our home. I don’t want my children to grow up seeing only issues and problems. I want to make an effort to be more intentional about our time at home together so that my children grow up with memories and a feeling about home being…

1. A place of fun and laughter
Now I am not suggesting that every moment of everyday life is going to be shiny and sparkly like that illusive pot of gold at the end of the rainbow but I do want my girls to have an overall sense of life in our home being fun. Of laughter. Of silliness. Of grabbing a moment by the horns and running with it,
“Yes, you can run under the sprinkler! Yes, you can paint with your fingers! Yes, let’s make pancakes for afternoon tea!”

2. A place of welcome
This is one I struggle with daily as my home never feels as shiny and organised as those of so many of our friends. But I am trying hard to get over myself for the sake of my family, as I want my children to feel that they can invite friends into our home – I want our home to be a cool place to hang out as they grow into tweens and teens. I stick with the play dates and little friendship gatherings that suit us while our girls are small. I try to not eat the keep a store of snacks and refreshments in the cupboard for those spontaneous moments when we have people visit. As a hostess I will never be the one with the mostess, much more a work in progress, but I remind myself that more important than freshly mopped floors and a spotless living room is warmness and friendliness. So that is my new goal, to intentionally make all who come into our home feel welcome and comfortable.

3. A place of less
I want my children to develop a sense of home that values the people within much more than the ‘stuff’ it contains. After all, it’s when the stuff gets out of control that causes me to struggle so much with #2 above. So I purge and I organize and we mess it all up again. Then I re-organise and I purge some more and we bring more in and I send more out. I’ve come to accept that this needs to be a continual process in our home! I am hoping that through being involved in this cycle my girls learn to let go of the ‘stuff,’ to love what you decide to keep and to be most proud of what you make with your own hands.

4. A place to nurture and be nurtured
As my children have grown through each age and stage our home has played such an important role in their growth and development – they have learnt to crawl and walk and talk and read within its very walls. My girl’s are learning that home is a place where they can feel confident to ask questions, to learn, to test and challenge oneself. That within its walls, they are safe when the world outside gets rough.

And it is at home that they are learning practical things about growing food, about cooking, about money and budgeting, about caring for one’s home with a sense of love for the people in it rather than the sense of duty that chores often evoke – the practicalities of living a happy, healthy life.

Bupa Home and Contents Insurance can provide you with the best possible coverage for life’s unexpected moments, however they also know that there are a lot of practical things you can do around your home to create a happier, healthier and safer environment for your whole family.

The team at Bupa have compiled these ideas into the Bupa Guide to a Healthy Home. The guide contains plenty of advice for big issues like keeping your home safe from burglary, theft, fire and flood, and expert tips and tricks for keeping your family happy and healthy through a greener, allergy-free approach to cleaning and living. The guide is completely free, and you can get your copy here.

5. A place of refuge
I want our home to be a place of rest, where we can be still and quiet – together or alongside each other. To achieve this we need to spend time at home! To be less busy and not actually spend all of our time together out and about, or rushing around, or entertaining. We need ‘time out’ and home should be the safe place we to come to rest.

6. A place where you are heard
Home should be a place of connection. Where even when we disagree, everyone has a chance to speak, to be heard and to be understood. I believe the key to achieving this is being present in the moments that you spend at home, switching off technology and spending regular time together as a family. Your family might make the time to eat a regular meal together or you might have a special family time activity that you all enjoy together, whatever form it takes it is the joy and sense of belonging that stems from the repetition of these moments of family time that stays with children well into adulthood.

7. A place of love
More than anything I want my children to grow up with cherished memories of their home as a place of love. A place where they were hugged and kissed and tickled and held and told each day, “I love you.”

What do you hope your children grow to remember about your home?

- See more at: http://childhood101.com/2014/10/7-things-i-want-our-children-to-always-feel-about-our-home/#sthash.Rjm2mEJ1.dpuf

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